


for her

by sunflower_8



Series: five steps to dying [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Malnutrition, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Relationships, because it's christmas eve and i'm a dumbass, celestial_nova shameless promo, i love my beta though, mukuro ikusaba does NOT have a crush on junko, they're sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:55:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21946927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: five steps to dying- volume one(mukuro ikusaba had suffered for the farce of sisterly love, but junko enoshima-- on the streets and magazines-- thrived.)
Relationships: Enoshima Junko & Ikusaba Mukuro
Series: five steps to dying [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580206
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	for her

**_five steps to dying- volume one_ **

In retrospect, I should have figured it would end like this. 

A pale hand, reaching out to me, those same hands applying lipstick on my tear-streaked face. The glint in the mirror of someone who looked  _ just like me _ , as though I was just a  _ carbon copy _ of her. We practiced for hours and hours and hours, and I was horrible at my job, but we kept at it until my voice, too, was just a replica of  _ her. Her  _ hands,  _ her _ body,  _ her _ voice-- I was  _ hers _ . I didn’t mind, then. I don’t mind now, at least, not fully. It’s always been like this.

She was my sister. I would  _ die _ for her. 

Still, I couldn’t stop my hesitation. One that she tried to pacify  _ so easily _ , with a tongue cluck and a hand on my face. She whined out, “Muku-chan~” and I looked at her, my full attention on her face. Her manicured nails tapped on my skin, and she whispered to me so sweetly. “Are you ready?”

I forced a smile. “Of course, Junko.”

She grinned, white teeth shining against dark lipstick. “Let’s go.”

I should have known it would end like this: a hand in mine, a pain in my heart, and a world ripe for destruction. It was  _ always _ meant to end this way. The two of us against the world. Finally.  _ Finally,  _ we’d be  _ alive! _

Unfortunately, I died a long time ago.

* * *

**i**

“I’ll be the princess and you’ll be the monster!” Junko commanded insistently, dressed in the pink attire she got for her 6th birthday. She already got chocolate on it, but she didn’t seem all that angry at the stain. If Mukuro had ruined her own black jacket, she would have seethed for weeks. Although, that was probably just one of the ways Junko was a kinder person than her. One of the many ways.

_ Why are you envying your younger twin? _

“I’m  _ ALWAYS _ the monster!” Mukuro mumbled with a pout on her face. 

“That’s because you’re scary, Muku-chan!” Her sister replied. “Plus, you don’t look like a princess! You look like a boy with your haircut!”

“Okay, okay!” Mukuro sighed. She curved her hands into claws and roared, louder than she usually spoke, “I’m a big, scary monster who loves eating princesses!”

“Eeek!” Junko threw a pillow at Mukuro, and it kind of hurt a little bit, but she was a big girl, and she didn’t need her boo-boos kissed. The pretend ‘monster’ kept advancing, wrestling lightly with her sister as she shrieked with laughter. They spent most of their time like this: talking and playing and giggling. They continued with their game for ten more minutes, until Junko let out a real screech. Mukuro let go of her and looked at her quizzingly.

“SPIDERRRR!” The strawberry blonde pointed to the wall. Sure enough, there was a bug crawling up the wall. It was really tiny, and Mukuro definitely wouldn’t have noticed it, but now that she had she should probably take care of it. She grabbed a tissue, approaching the spider carefully. She tried to scoop it onto the paper, but Junko startled the critter by yelling, “What are you doing?!”

“I was going to take it outside,” Mukuro explained, “So be quiet.”

“Just kill it!” Junko stood up, walking towards the wall. Mukuro tried to stop her, but  _ squish--  _ the spider was crushed under her palm. The ravenette stared at her in shock, but she kept talking. “Stupid Muku-chan! If we took it outside, it would just come back in again! Killing it means it won’t be annoying us!”

Mukuro shrugged. She always tried to avoid hurting creatures, which Junko always disagreed with-- her bratty sister would yell at neighbors’ dogs if they barked at her, would get her family to kill all the bugs she sees, and once accidentally hit a bird with a rock, killing it. She felt somewhat guilty about the last one, but Mukuro was  _ horrified.  _ She apologized though, and they buried it, so it’s okay. Mukuro figured that Junko’s way of going about things was slightly wrong, but she was probably right all in all, so the older sister said, “Okay. We can go back to playing now.”

Junko still pouted, “You really  _ are  _ a monster!” Before Mukuro could let those hurtful words settle, her sister grabbed her arm. “Let’s play a different game, though! Hide and seek. I’m the hider, count to ten, no peeking!”

“Okay.”

_ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 _

* * *

**ii**

Mukuro tried to fight back the tears welling up in her eyes, knocking on Junko’s door again. “Junko,  _ please.  _ I’m sorry!”

“Leave me alone, Mukuro!” Junko shouted over the music blaring in her room. It had profanity in it, which Mom said was unfitting for a sweetheart like Junko to listen to, but the so called ‘sweetheart’ chastised her mom, since she was 11 now and could do “whatever the hell I want!”

She was mad at Mukuro for a similar reason, in a way. Mukuro was getting in her sister’s way and was being nosy, because she had started being  _ really  _ mean ever since middle school started, and she wanted some explanation. She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong; the counselors that talked to her class told her to always be upfront with people about problems, instead of starting rumors or gossip. They had been really wrong, Mukuro realized, like Junko said most adults were. She still tried to talk to her sister, but Junko just called her a “nosy bitch!” and stormed off. Mukuro’s been sitting out here for hours, waiting for her sister to open the door so she could apologize. She was really, really sorry, and she didn’t have many other friends besides Junko, so it really hurt that they weren’t talking. 

Mukuro tried to think of other ways to get the door to open, and settled on: “Junko, I brought you chocolate!” She paused, adding, “I promise I’ll never get in your business again, and I totally understand why you would ignore me because I’m a super annoying sister, but please let me in! I want to hang out with you again, if you want. It’s up to you, of course, haha… please, though, I want to know you forgive me!”

Silence. And then, Mukuro’s heart lifted as she heard the door creak open. Junko was finally forgiving her! Her sister snatched the chocolate bar, walking back to her bed and eating it. Since the door was still left ajar, Mukuro stepped into her sister’s rooms, where boy band posters adorned the walls, along with pretty magazine models. On her desk, there was math homework due two weeks ago-- Mukuro offered to do it for her, or at least give her the answers, but Junko said that she was smarter that the other girl, anyway, and that the teachers didn’t care. They didn’t.

Junko spoke up after being quiet for a while, watching as her sister shifted awkwardly at the door. “I forgive you.” Mukuro sighed in relief, but Junko kept going. “Just… stop trying to hang out with me at school, yeah? I’m super super popular now, and you’re a loner, and it’s not good for my reputation.” Mukuro nodded in agreement, and Junko smiled. “I’m glad we cleared things up, Muku-chan!”

“Me too. Thank you.”

“Mhm!”

_ Thank God. _

* * *

**iii**

“ _ Come back here, you greedy orphan brat! _ ” 

Mukuro’s chest heaved as she ran, carrying bread and a wallet with her as she went. She figured she could outrun the man pursuing her: she was pretty athletic, and she proved to be tough and good at survival in previous competitions she’s had. Still, it was a long way from home, and the man seemed to have some experience. If he notified the cops, it was  _ over. _

_ Stupid Mukuro!  _ She chastised herself, her inner voice sounding a bit higher pitched than her own speaking tone.  _ You should have been more careful! _

It was her fault for getting greedy. The man’s wife had a purse with perfume in it, and Mukuro thought it would be a really nice gift for Junko, but it was too risky. The man had caught her, and the woman slapped her hands in an attempt to get her to run off. Mukuro kept a death grip on the wallet, though, even as strangers tugged at her jacket and grabbed her.

After what felt like hours, the man stopped chasing her, yelling out, “You bastard thief!” before going back to his wife. Mukuro breathed in relief, but she wasn’t in the clear yet. It took her a while to finally make it back to the bridge, where her sister was sitting underneath and waiting. Mukuro mustered a smile, something grotesque and awkward on her face, when she saw her sister was safe and okay. 

“Muku-chan!” Junko grinned briefly, only for her face to turn to a disappointed scowl. “What took so long? I’ve been waiting foreverrrr!”

“Sorry, the guy I was stealing from saw me.”

She rolled her eyes. “God, you should be better at this by now. I should probably just leave for the other homeless kid on the street; I bet he could do it better.” When she saw Mukuro’s pleading expression, she laughed but put her hands up in surrender. “I can’t leave behind poor Muku-chan, though! She’d die without me!”

“I would.”

“Mhm. What did you get?” Mukuro revealed the wallet and the roll of bread. Junko’s eyes lit up. “Nice! I can get some more makeup with this!”

“Junko, maybe…” Mukuro inhaled deeply. “Maybe we should be spending our money on food or clothes?”

The blonde frowned. “Why? We have clothes and food.”

_ You do, Junko. I don’t. I haven’t eaten in days. I’m freezing.  _

Junko continued. “You know that this makeup is really important to me, right? I need to get into Hope’s Peak Academy as the Ultimate Fashionista!” 

While Mukuro didn’t give two shits about Hope’s Peak Academy-- they weren’t helping her off the streets, so they could go to hell-- Junko was  _ obsessed.  _ She was certainly smart and talented enough to go into multiple different Ultimates, and who was Mukuro to stop her? Her sister, being ever so kind, wanted Mukuro to join her too, but there wasn’t much for the older twin to do. She wasn’t very talented, or pretty (hah, not at  _ all.)  _ She was strong, sure, but not an athlete. There weren’t many options.

Except…

The military. A venture that Junko had supported fully, since it would earn them money  _ and  _ give Mukuro some sort of talent. It was risky, and she didn’t really know how to get involved, but it was worth a try. 

In that case, it was fine for Junko to pursue her dreams and keep getting makeup and fancy clothes. She spent their money at cafes, sometimes, scoring meeting with agents. It was just kinda shitty that Mukuro might not even make the weight requirements, but… she had to try. 

_ Junko said she was getting a little fat, anyway, so she was probably just confused. Either way, over or under-- it’ll be hell.  _

“Sorry, Junko. You’re right. As always.”

“Mhm. It’s okay, I forgive you. I know you’re probably super jelly, but we’ll get into the academy  _ together _ !” 

Mukuro nodded tiredly, leaning against the old structure they slept under. “Of course.”

“I have a meeting today with another agent.” Junko informed. “I have to get this makeup for it anyway, and I’m probably going to buy him a drink. I mean, 14 year olds can’t get into bars, but I can work my magic!” She smirked mischievously. “Be good, and don’t do anything stupid! I don’t want to blow this opportunity because my dumbass sister can’t steal bread right.” Junko stood up, brushing off the dirt on her jeans with a  _ tch _ sound. “Might have to buy more jeans too, if we have to stay in this shithole. See ya, Muku-chan!”

“Bye.”

When Mukuro was sure her sister was far away, she closed her eyes. She could feel bugs going into her greasy, matted hair, but she was too fucked up regardless to care. She could wash in the river if necessary. She winced as cars ruled the streets above her, far too loud for her to actually get some sleep. She didn’t care. She hadn’t slept well in weeks, anyway--

_ She was so paranoid, and so, so tired.  _

A tear fell down her face, streaking through the dirt and grime adorning her scarred face. She wiped it off, but more took her place. Soon, she was sobbing like she was a little kid, back when she was allowed to cry, before Junko called her weak for doing so. She felt so, so small under the bridge roaring with the highway, so vulnerable in the bright lights of the urban city.  _ No wonder Junko wants to go to Hope’s Peak _ , she thought.  _ This shit is misery. _ She was so sick of counting the dollars she had at the end of the day and seeing there was none, she was so sick of annoying her sister, she was so sick of stealing and brawling and fighting for some fucking  _ food.  _

She was so damn tired.

But the wouldn’t sleep, not until Junko came back. She was drunk and giddy, but she was alive, and that was the only hope Mukuro had.

(Later, she found another man on the streets: a veteran with a wolf tattoo. There, he told her a story, and even though she got slapped for taking so long, it was worth it. Because now they had a chance, and Junko made a comment that everything was finally going according to plan. Mukuro was too happy-- for the first time since she was a little kid-- to think about it.)

* * *

**iv**

“We’re going to throw the world into despair!”

_ It hurts. Her chest. Although her heart is pounding, it felt like poison, it felt so cold and so still and it hurt so bad. She was having a heart attack, definitely; was she supposed to hyperventilate during a cardiac arrest? She was probably fucking up death, too, the one thing she thought she could do right. Evidently, her talent in fighting foreshadowed her failure now.  _

“Aren’t you  _ excited,  _ Muku-chan?”

_ Her voice was so loud. It was shrill and yet sweet, like candy being shoved down her throat. She hated it, but it was the only familiar thing in this world besides war. And, well, both gave her an adrenaline rush, the guilty feeling in her gut. They both made her despair. Despair, despair, despair- _

“After all those years in the streets-”

_ Oh God, oh fuck she doesn’t want to remember. She thought she was going to die out there, when men shoved their hands up her tattered shorts-- she had nothing else she could wear. When she had to fight people for money, punching them in their bruised faces over and over until they pleaded for mercy. All those nights where she would hope for death in her sleep because it was too fucking much for her. Fuck Hope’s Peak Academy! Fuck it for forcing Mukuro to fight when she was only 14. She was too young, far too young. When he was 14, Makoto Naegi was learning how to swim. And here Mukuro was-- no, you aren’t there, you aren’t there. You’re here, you’re here,  _ **_please stop-_ **

“-we can finally be happy!”

_ Please tell me you aren’t happy, please, please, please oh God. She’s going to throw up, it’s too much, it’s too much she doesn’t want to remember. She’s not happy, she’s not, please tell me you aren’t happy, please I can’t do this if you are because I’m only worth it if I’m making you happy otherwise I’m nothing, I’m worth nothing.  _

“Do you accept, then, Mukuro?”

“Yes.” She breathed in, her chest, her mind, her world feeling like a hurricane. “Let’s do it.”

* * *

**v**

_ H-Huh? This wasn't...supposed to... Why...me...? _

* * *

In retrospect, I knew it would end like this.

**Author's Note:**

> new tentative series. i have long term fics to keep up with plus three other series i've made because i'm a fucking disaster so this ain't going to go well
> 
> happy christmas eve! also slightly late happy hanukkah! stay safe and have fun ! and if you don't celebrate, have a good day!
> 
> random note but this was going to be a songfic to daddy lessons by beyonce which is hysterical to me but then i realized y'know not what i evisioned so i'm gonna do a different headcanon to that later with maybe ship content
> 
> OH SHIT I'M DUMB-- this is for the despair twin's birthday i wish i didn't lose my braincells constantly
> 
> also i named a song "for her" a while back so time to reminisce on painful romance everybody-- i cOuLd mAkE a KoMaHiNa FiC oUt Of ThiS
> 
> okay bye see you in probably two fucking days because i'm either never posting or spamming inboxes


End file.
